In an era dominated by social media, the pressure to compare ourselves to others has reached new heights. From Instagram reels to TikTok trends, it’s easy to fall into the trap of evaluating our own lives against the carefully curated highlights of others. But as experts warn, this habit could be doing more harm than good, particularly to our mental health and self-esteem.
The Rise of Toxic Comparisons
According to psychologist Dr Tanisha M. Ranger, the issue of comparison is nothing new. “As humans, we’ve always compared ourselves to those around us,” she explains. “It’s part of how we measure success and set goals.” But social media has taken this natural tendency and amplified it to an unhealthy degree.
Dr Ranger notes that platforms like Instagram and TikTok encourage users to share only the best moments of their lives, creating an illusion of perfection that is far from reality. “We’re constantly bombarded with images of people who seem to have it all—looks, success, love, money—and it can be really damaging to our self-esteem when we inevitably fall short in comparison.”
Studies support this claim. Research published in Media Psychology found that regular comparisons on social media can negatively impact mental health, leading to increased feelings of anxiety, depression, and poor body image.
Why We Compare Ourselves to Others
Psychologist Latasha Blackmond, author of Be You, No Filter: How to Love Yourself and Stay #SocialMediaStrong, says that comparing ourselves to others is a deeply ingrained survival mechanism. “Historically, being part of a group was essential for survival, so we naturally compare ourselves to make sure we fit in,” she explains. “But today, it’s not so much about survival—it’s more about validation, which can lead to unhealthy patterns of behaviour.”
Blackmond categorises these comparisons into three types:
- Upward comparisons, where we compare ourselves to those we see as ‘better’, often leading to feelings of inadequacy.
- Downward comparisons, where we compare ourselves to those we perceive as ‘worse’, offering a temporary sense of superiority.
- Lateral comparisons, where we measure ourselves against our peers or past selves.
While some comparisons can inspire us to improve, too much focus on these comparisons can erode self-esteem and prevent us from living authentically, says Blackmond.
Combatting the Comparison Trap
So, how can we stop comparing ourselves to others, especially in the age of social media? Experts share their top strategies:
- Curate Your Social Media Feed
Dr Ranger suggests taking control of your online environment. “You don’t have to follow accounts that make you feel bad about yourself,” she advises. Unfollowing influencers or friends whose posts trigger self-comparison can drastically improve your mental wellbeing. - Take a Break from Social Media
Going offline for a while is another powerful tactic. “Go outside, touch grass, and get some perspective,” Blackmond recommends. Time spent outdoors, away from the digital world, can remind you of the things that really matter. - Build a Supportive Community
Surrounding yourself with people who uplift you is crucial, says Blackmond. “Cultivate a close-knit group of friends and family who genuinely support your growth and wellbeing.” - Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness can help shift your focus from comparing yourself to others to being present in the moment. “It’s about tuning into how you feel right now, instead of worrying about how you measure up,” Dr Ranger explains. Daily mindfulness exercises, even for just a few minutes, can help you break free from negative thoughts. - Develop Self-Compassion
The way we talk to ourselves plays a huge role in how we perceive our worth. “Treat yourself with the same kindness you would a friend,” suggests Dr Ranger. Reframing self-critical thoughts with self-compassion can make a significant difference. - Gratitude Journaling
Practising gratitude is a proven way to counteract negative thoughts and toxic comparisons. Writing down what you’re thankful for each day helps shift focus from what you lack to what you already have. - Be Aware of Digital Deception
It’s important to remember that what you see online isn’t always real. “Photo and video editing tools are so advanced now that you can’t always tell what’s been altered,” Blackmond warns. Keeping this in mind can help you maintain a healthy level of scepticism about the ‘perfect’ lives of influencers.
Moving Forward
At its core, learning how to stop comparing yourself to others is about embracing authenticity, experts say. “It’s a practice, not a destination,” concludes Blackmond. “But with the right tools, it’s absolutely possible to break free from toxic comparisons and build healthier self-esteem.”
For now, Mitchell has learned to approach social media with a more critical eye. “I still love scrolling, but I remind myself that it’s just a highlight reel. And if I’m feeling down, I step away and focus on something that makes me feel good.”
As social media continues to shape our world, it’s clear that we need to become more mindful of its impact on our mental health. Recognising when comparisons become harmful and implementing strategies to combat them are essential steps in maintaining a healthy self-esteem in today’s digital age.
